Writing Marathon
6-30-16
High on Hormones
I’ve been dragging this week. I chalked it up to returning from vacation and immediately throwing myself into 9-hour days at the ISI, no transitional day to shed Vacation-mode Susan and become Writer-Susan. When I returned from the first day at ISI feeling depressed instead of recharged, my husband was quizzical: this is usually your best time of the summer! I nodded, then went to bed without filling him in on the day’s details. Totally out of the ordinary. Waking at 4:15 AM I couldn’t get back to sleep, so I got up. Was it my mom? Was it the surprise birthday party I didn’t want to host but had to clean the house for? Was it that damn annual report I hadn’t started yet?
Even two cups of coffee by 5 AM didn’t help.
It wasn’t until I stepped in the shower that the answer came to me: I remembered feeling the same lethargy, the same edge-of-tears-but-with-no-rational-explanation disconsolation a few years ago, and suddenly I knew: in the frenzy of vacation-to-school transition, I had forgotten to apply that miracle of miracles, my saving grace, my entrée into a happy and productive middle-life, my shield against anxiety and unexplained depression, my renewed energy, my weapon more powerful than even my morning coffee: I had forgotten my estrogen patch.
Menopause is not for sissies. It has its upsides (think: no babies!), but its downsides are desperately dark: wildly fluctuating moods, sudden tears in response to innocent questions (as in, “Are you going to make dinner, or should I?”), dark days of lethargy and inertia.
But there is a fix: it looks like a Bandaid, but it’s a special kind. Shot through with estrogen, my world rights itself. Energized, I return to myself. Better living through chemicals.
I occasionally think of doubling up to get a really good hit, but caution and good sense stay my hand – I tremblingly return the aqua envelope encasing the drug soaked miracle patch, Bandaid unopened, because I have only enough to get me through a month. No more. Like a junkie, I’m tempted – but the crash of going cold turkey until my next hit is not worth it. I will be content simply remembering I’m covered for now.
Do you see the pep in my step? I’m high on hormones.
Susan's LMWP ISI Blog 